A state of paranoia had begun to lightly entwine its fingers into the fibers of his being. He was grappling with himself, struggling between what he had been and done and what he became. The mental gymnastics of memory are so deeply ingrained with our image of self that it was making Mike's self-image collapse in on its own weight. The effect was similar to a yellow giant or a common star collapsing in on itself. What was left was a black hole where nothing of self could escape to satisfy Mike's need for sanity. His maternal instinct was too deeply part of his being to be reversed it seemed. His thoughts flew around his children and his mind tried to reject the idea they were his. He could not have given birth to two girls and a boy and yet he knew he had. He remembered every part of his life as Michelle. Why not? He had lived every moment of it so richly and deeply. Yet, the pendulum of his being had swung in the other direction again, back to where it had started forty some years. I have noted, however, that the singles tournament ends on Tuesday and you are not entered in the team competition that starts on Thursday. Therefore, I will be most pleased to serve you in any way at that time.”Allison and I had been playing so much with each other during our time in Stockton that I’d conveniently forgotten the “tease but don’t come” tradition of competition. I don’t like Wendy acting so submissive, but it was obvious that she was playing up the role today precisely to enhance the teasing. And it was working. I seriously wondered if I’d be able to take the court without having my boner point the way.My first match was with the Irish champion. He was ranked twenty-second in the tournament and played with both fervor and style. It wasn’t like playing Randy, where everything he hit couldn’t be returned. He handled me in straight games, even though one of them was tight. My first match at World’s and I was out.Well, out is a relative expression. We were playing Olympic.
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